Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
