I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
what day is it and did you see me today?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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