Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
