you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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