Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
