Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
