I can't watch pbs sober anymore
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
