my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
