Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
