i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
