She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Someone came in the potted fern
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
