my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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