she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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