the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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