Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You've changed since you got that strap on
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
