he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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