Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
