There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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