Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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