You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
no, he came in my armpit
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
