so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
