yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
