I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
im holly from the hills drunk
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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