her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
