yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
