not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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