Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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