i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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