how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
