question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize