youre lurking in front of me
im six kinds of drunk right now
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
