i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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