i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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