you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Just cropdusted the office
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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