you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
