We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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