sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
