a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
