i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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