So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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