He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
