It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
