To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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