I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
