I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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