she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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