I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
