remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Just pee around me
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize