The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Randomize
