is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
