so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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