"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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