shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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