Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
