Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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