You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
