Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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