Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
