I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
