I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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