im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
