He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
