someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
