Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
