i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
