Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
